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1995-08-20
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Path: newserv.ksu.ksu.edu!moe.ksu.ksu.edu!hobbes.physics.uiowa.edu!newsrelay.iastate.edu!iscsvax.uni.edu!love
From: love@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: NEW: REGISTER
Message-ID: <1993May7.105302.13020@iscsvax.uni.edu>
Date: 7 May 93 10:53:02 -0600
Organization: University of Northern Iowa
Lines: 131
I didn't want to waste too much bandwidth, so I'm only posting the
first two pages of a story I've written. Let me know if you want
to see the rest of it. I may lose my account soon, though, so if my
mail bounces I can be reached at:
Ryan E. Love
P.O. Box 288
Denver, IA 50622-0288
(319) 984-6453
Thanks, and enjoy..... (and yes, it's another spoof).
Space.... and plenty of it. This is one of the too numerous to
count voyages of the Starship "Win A Prize" I hope we'll never see
printed. Its ongoing (and ongoing and ongoing and ongoing....)
mission, to seek out new plot lines, to find the ever elusive
planet of green-haired bimbos, and to boldly go where no one has
ever wanted to go or will ever want to go again....
Captain's Log, Stardate 3.145159271428.....
"I'm hungry."
"Checkoff, where's the closest planet with a McDonalds?"
"Probably Earth, Keptain, since we're in orbit around it right
now."
"Ah, good! Spook, want to go?"
"I'd love to, Captain. If nothing else, at least I won't have to
listen to Oh Yoo-hoo singing over here all of the time."
"Great! Find me the mandatory red uniformed personnel to beam
down to the planet with us in case somebody has to die."
"Aye, Captain."
"Crew, this is your Captain speaking. I'm heading down to the
planet to pick up some burgers until we find a plot line to
follow. Does anyone else want anything?"
"Captain, Scott Towel here. I would gladly pay you for two
hamburgers tomorrow if you would buy me one hamburger today."
"Dang it, Scooter, you know you're still on a diet until we can
get you out of engineering without having to use the
transporter."
"Gym, this is McCoy. I'm caught up in a phaser fight with some
guy named Hatfield down here in the Gym Smirk Maternity Ward.
Could you bring me back a salad?"
"Um, sure. Do you need some help down there?"
"Haven't you helped enough? I can't even keep track of
all the other alien babies we have already.
"I was talking about the fight between you and the Hatfield."
"Oh. No thanks. I just have to adjust the kill setting on the
phaser a little higher."
"Oh. Well, what kind of dressing do you want?"
"Blast it, Gym! I'm a doctor, not a bloody Home Ec Major! Here,
just a sec."
"Aaaaaaaeeeeeeee!"
"Okay, I'm free. I'll join you in the romper room and beam down
with you."
"Great. Sue-You, you have the comm, or is it conn? I never
could get that right."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha! At last, the Enterprise is mine! Mine I say!
With it I'll have power... prestige... all the green-haired bimbos
across the universe. I can take over planets. Conquer galaxies!
Instigate mandatory fencing lessons for everyone! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!"
"Um, belay that order. Checkoff, you're in command until we
return. Spook, have you found that red-uniformed personnel yet?"
"Yes, Captain. This is Richard Cunningham."
"Golly, is this really a spaceship?"
"Spook, he'll be more than adequate. Come on. Let's get to the
romper room before anything worse happens to this plot."
"Hey, guys. What's this red button do?"
"DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!"
"Oops...."
"Captain. The Enterprise is picking up speed and heading
straight for...."
"For what, Spook?!! Come on, out with it man!"
"That big, bright, yellow thing floating in the middle of space."
"We'll fry to a crisp! We're all going to die! Die, I say!"
"Sue-You, can the bad acting. That's what Cunningham is here
for. Checkoff, hit the air brakes."
"But Keptain, there's no air in space."
"Well find some!"
"Captain, might I suggest using the aft thrusters to slingshot us
around that big, bright, yellow thing?"
"Good thinking, Spook. Fire aft thrusters."
"Aft thrusters working at only half power, sir."
"Scooter! Turn your microwave oven off and give me more
power!"
*********
I know it's a bad cutting off point, but like I said, I didn't want to waste
too much bandwidth if no one really wanted to see the whole thing.
-- Ryan --